The Power of Thank You

A few days ago I was heading into the library to pick up my young adult novel, Reached by Ally Condie.  I saw one of my former students talking on her cell phone outside the library and we shared a quick smile and a wave as I entered. 

I picked up my book and was standing in line when that same student came up to me and said, "Mr. Kushlak, Thank You."  She went on to tell me that she was now in honors English in the high school and she knows it was because of the foundation I gave her as a sixth grade student when she was NOT on the honors track.  We shared some pleasantries and a hug and we went our separate ways; me with a smile on my face.

A few days later I was outside after school for bus duty and another former student came up to me.  He shook my hand and said he has been meaning to come see me because he wanted to thank me for helping him with poetry.  He understood now why I hounded him about trying to say more with less while writing free verse poetry because he feels he is really good at it this year.  Once again a few pleasantries and we went our separate ways, once again, me with a smile.

I do not share this to put myself up on a pedestal as some great teacher that reaches all these kids.  In fact, I share these stories because both of these encounters came at a time when I was feeling very low about my teaching.  I was not totally happy about how I was connecting with students and I was lamenting over some things I wish I would have done differently from the start of the year and trying to decide how best to set my students up for success for the rest of the year.

These two students picked me up with simple, sincere thank yous.  And suddenly the year was looking better and I was getting excited about some of the ideas I was having.  As I continued to think about those two students and their impact on my mood and outlook for the rest of year, I was reminded of a CD I have of a talk by Father Larry Richards entitled The Truth.  In that talk Father Larry Richards says, "You need to tell the people you love, that you love them."

These students didn't tell me they loved me, but they said thank you to someone they were thankful for and those simple words lifted me up.  I urge all of us to be people who recognize those who are blessings to us because of their love, or their guidance, or their discipline, or their sacrifice for us and make sure we say Thank You.  Because you never know when that simple thank you will make a difference in someones life who has made a difference in yours.

The Journey

Let me share with you a short journey I took over the last couple weeks that led to me writing this blog post.

1. The Enlightenment
After my last post, Shutting the door on Negativity, I got an email from my sister telling me to check out Kristoffer Carter and his This Epic Life blog that she had recently been following.  I did and became a follower myself.  This blog is dedicated to helping each person become the best version of themselves in all aspects of their life.  Who wouldn't want that?

One of the things Kristoffer suggests is upgrading your lens (the way you view life) because your lens can either enhance or diminish all of our life experiences.

I really took this to heart because I have always tried to be a positive person, but after thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that that Idea of being a positive person was just too general of a goal.  I needed to really think about the virtues that I want to guide my life in order to be that positive, happy, best version of myself.

So I get on this high of, "Look out world, here comes the best me possible!"

2. The Fall 
Ever have that student or coworker or family member who seems to have an invisible remote control to your life and at any moment they can aim it at you and push the button labeled Worst Possible Version of Yourself?

Well I had a student hit that button while pointing the remote at me and before you know it, my feathers are puffed out and I am going to show this student who is boss - Like I said, worst version of myself.  It was like an out of body experience where I am looking at myself interacting with this student shaking my head saying, "You better check yo self, before you wreck yo self!"

Did I mention that this happened twice in two days!

3. The Rise
Each time this happened with this student, I had one of my wonderful colleagues walk by and be part of our  "conversation".  In one instance my colleague just stood there and was present and in the other instance the colleague spoke up and was part of the "conversation" that was happening.

I am so grateful to have people like this around me because their mere presence in each situation forced me to focus my lens and helped me decide I wanted to look at this situation differently.  Each time my ruffled feathers got tucked back in and the tone of the conversation changed.

These two encounters helped me realize that I was slipping into a negative state of mind and I needed to make a change; I needed to upgrade my lens.

The very next day, I opened an email that had been sitting in my inbox from another teacher in my building with a simple statement that read THOUGHT OF YOU.  And it had a link to this video:

Moral of the story:
There are so many good people in the world that do wonderful things everyday.  And there are so many people in the world who want to help us be the best versions of ourselves.  Upgrading your lens and seeking these people out go hand-in-hand.

The question is:
Will you choose to see the world in a way that will enhance your experiences?  Will you choose to seek out those people who will help you on your path to being the best possible you?

Shutting the Door on Negativity

I started out today reading an article in the Cleveland Plain Dealer entitled Parental Involvement in Education Leads to Successful Students, Stronger Schools.  My first reaction was, " I could have told you that."

As I read the article though, I learned of some neat things going on in Cleveland to build a strong relationship between schools and parents.  I finished the article with different thoughts in my head about how I could better myself as an educator when it came to building relationships with parents.  It was a positive article that caused a truthful look at myself in a positive manner.

Then the positive bubble I was in burst as I started to read the comments left online:

One reader wrote:

Now I have to ask, do low income parents really need a "school" on how to raise a child? Clothe that child, feed that child, get them to school, help them with homework, express an INTEREST in their lives?? they need a University to teach them that? I guess they do. Isn't that sad? And that is the demographic we are being asked to pour more money into. I totally understand this article and this Academy and how they are helping the parents and the children. but I find it really sad, that in 2012, black parents STILL need to be show How To Be Parents. Come on !!!! In the 60's and 70's, did they not finally win their battle for the rights and responsibilities that all Americans are entitled to? And 30-40 years later, they STILL have to be "taught" how to be a parent ?? It just boggles my mind. Really.  
Along with all those Rights they struggled for, did they also not learn that paying taxes is also a "Right", or rather a responsibility of all Americans? But yet, they still pay very very little taxes. And they want top of the line, stellar schools for their children to attend. 
Maybe at Parent University they should also teach them how to be American Citizens as well, not just welfare citizens. 
Sorry. Still makes me angry I guess. Not many people I know who own property, have $500-$600 a year, extra, lying around to pay for CEO and Linkage Coordinator salaries. But those people are laughing and high-fivin all the way to the Bank. How much help with the actual 'kids', i.e. STUDENTS actually receive from all this extra cash? Nada. 
Just so disgusted. 

Another wrote:

Already laying the groundwork for a cover story when the recently passed CMSD levy fails to produce any improvement in results.  


They need a scapegoat that will not result in unionized teachers and administration from being measured and held accountable. Furthermore, they need an excuse that will work when the recently passed levy expires and is put on the ballot to be sold as (not a new tax). 

See how this works? Pile on the money, but never ask us to be held accountable and be measured. Oh; and when we ask for more money, be sure to give it to us.

Still another wrote:

what is sad, is that the voters from the east side think this is all "genius stuff" that the CMSD is coming out with, the "transformation plan" and all the "programs" yada yada yada -- stuff that no one has ever thought of before!! "How To Be Parents" -- give me a break. 
If you don't know how to be a parent, don't know you need to spend time with your children, not only at age 8 but at age 15 as well! teach them to study, stay out of trouble, learn to succeed then WHY are they parents? Don't answer that question! I already know. Welfare income

And again:

CMSD doesnt want you to know what Citizens spends per student because it makes them look all that much worse. My question is this: When four more years of academic failure and mismanagement are done, will Cleveland voters have the courage to vote down the renewal of the levy they were just duped into supporting?

And finally:

Parental involvement? Next you're going to aggrandize intact families. 
Come on, everybody knows only passing a school levy and the teachers' unions create better students. 
Actually the more a teacher's paid, the better their child does in school. 
Just as the Ohio Teachers Association. They'll set you straight.

___________________________________________

Now, there were some positive comments left but there were also more sarcastic in tone, demeaning in nature, and defeatist in attitude, comments left too. 

I was blown away by the people who, even if having different viewpoints, were just so...NEGATIVE.  And just reading their comments started to effect me and my behavior.  I got upset at these people, but then I noticed that I was also reacting to the negative things around me rather then paying attention to all the positive, wonderful things in my life, both at home and school, that I have been blessed with.

Why do I share this?

Because negativity is a life force that will bring you to your knees if you let it; it will cripple you and keep you from doing all the wonderful, unique things that you are totally capable of accomplishing with the right mindset. 

As a teacher, I can't afford to be dragged into negative talk or situations because ultimately that effects my relationship with students and that is something that should be treated with the utmost respect.

That is not to say that I am always positive, and there are days when I am probably the cause of some negativity (You will see the reoccurring theme in this blog of me NOT being perfect).  But one thing I have been working on in my own life to to STOP the negativity as soon as I am aware that I am part of it.  Then I need to SHIFT away from the things that are causing me to be negative.  If I follow that up with trying to SUSTAIN the effort of being positive, then I am on my way!

How do you create and sustain that positive mindset?  Well, there are tons of self help books that I could quote from but what I have found helpful is to:

1. Suround yourself with good people:

I know sometimes you don't get a say in this, but you can decide who you will spend your time with, who you will choose to interact with, whose advice you will seek, and who you will vent to when you need to.  I have had some wonderful people at school who, with a quick positive comment, have energized me or have taken more time to pick me up when I was at my lowest, and I try to do the same for them.

2. Take some time for yourself:

Sometimes throughout the school day things get stressful and situations arise that might cause you to become negative in your thoughts, feelings, and even actions.  To prevent this from taking over your day, it is essential to carve out a few minutes to do something you enjoy.  This year I decided to eat my lunch quickly in my room and then I shut the door and take the last fifteen minutes of lunch to play my guitar. I am not super good, but I enjoy it and find that the step away from the school day that I take helps my energy level for the rest of the day.  So take fifteen minutes to read a book for pleasure, check your fantasy team, or look up some recipes you hope to make. It is not a waste of time if it makes you a better person for your students to be around.


Ralph Waldo Emmerson said, "Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."

I would love to hear the little things people do during a day to keep their enthusiasm and positive energy up, or things they do to lift up others so that great things can be achieved.

Of course if you want a self help book type book to read, I would highly recommend The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Anchor.

Failure is Not an Option! But Shouldn't it Be?

My night started by reading about how George Lucas is going to be donating more than half his wealth to help education.  Being that he just sold his company to Disney for 4 billion dollars, I was like, "Yeah Education."  When I read George saying:

But reform is just the beginning.  We need to build new foundations, fostering independent thought and a desire to keep learning.  Our students need to come away with more than just survival skills, and more than just what is required to complete the program.  We need to promote critical thinking and emotional intelligence.  We need to focus on building an education system that promotes different types of learning, different types of development, and different types of assessment.
Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/heres-what-george-lucas-is-going-to-do-with-his-new-billions-2012-10#ixzz2B83UTsjo

I was like; May the force be with you George.

I love what he is saying about wanting kids to do MORE than just what is required to complete a program but the question is, what is keeping our kids from doing that MORE thing?

In my opinion, the simple answer is FEAR OF FAILURE.

Our lowest students fear that their failure will only highlight the fact that they are "stupid" and our highest students fear that their failure will drop them down to that awful "B" on the report card.  Because of this, students have trouble pushing themselves.

With the reading/writing workshop approach that I try to use in my classroom, the students are not getting graded on the pieces of writing they turn in, and I am trying to get across that we are focusing on the process of writing and I want them to be able to defend the decisions they are making in their writing.  I don't want fear to hold them back from trying something new.

 However, I still have students who won't try because it is so ingrained in them that they will get punished for making a mistake in their writing.  And I have other students who can't wrap their heads around what I am telling them to do unless I tell them how many sentences should be in each paragraph, and how many paragraphs long the assignment should be and what is the exact due date because they need to make sure they get that "A".  But I refuse to restrict the students to parameters like that. I want the students to try something new without fear of failure; I want them to embrace failure as a partner in learning.

What is the answer to this problem of FEAR OF FAILURE in our students?

Is it to get rid of grades?  Drop all these crazy high stakes tests?  Well, yes those type of ideas can help, but at the end of the day it comes down to the environment the teacher creates in the room and the personal relationship the teacher has with the students.

I try each year to build an environment where the students feel safe to try new things and I try to build a trusting relationship with my students, but it doesn't always work out.  I'm human and I sometimes fail.  I guess the trick is to realize that, just like the students, I need to embrace my own failures and not be fearful of them.  They are part of my learning process and as long as I keep that perspective for myself, I feel I am better able to pass it along to my students.

What are you good for anyway?

Have you ever felt like the old woman?  You know, the one who lives in a shoe?  Don't remember her?  Well here is a recap:

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.

She had so many children, she didn't know what to do;

She gave them some broth without any bread;

She whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

This sounds like a woman who was drowning.  She was probably overwhelmed with kids who had different needs, who were at different levels developmentally  and some of them probably weren't being very kind to each other or to her.

Hey teachers, sound familiar?

If we are not careful, when we get overwhelmed, we pull out that "whip".  You know, our stern words, our ultimatums, our finger points, and our big loud voices and in the old days our actual whip or paddle or ruler. We then puff up our feathers and in anger strike out at our students.

I am going to veer off here, but I promise to bring it back together.

This past month I went to my All Pro Dad breakfast with my daughter at her school.  We had a great time just being together, and I got to hear a friend speak about the importance of making sure your children know that they are worth something so that when bullying occurs they aren't effected by someone's negative words.  He shared a few simple examples of how people let their children know they have worth, and one these examples I fell in love with.

The day after this breakfast I taught my kids a very simple back and forth that I perform with them each day.  It goes like this:

Dad: (in a playful voice to kid) What are you good for anyway?
Kid: Loving
Dad: Yes you are! (hug) And who is your big fan?
Kid: Daddy

Now sometimes my kids like to answer that second question by saying Mommy and God and my son sometimes laughs and picks out a neighbor, which are all wonderful answers.  The point is, I am trying to build a foundation in my kids that will instill in them a belief that they are worth something, that they deserve to be loved and if someone is trying to tear them down and tell them they are worthless, then they are wrong.  I want them to have that confidence in themselves.

How does this relate to the Old Woman and us teachers?

In many cases we are dealing with students who don't consider themselves worthy of love or respect; They have just had too many bad experiences.  But doesn't it fall to us as teachers to interact with our students in a way which let's them know that we believe they are worthy?  Isn't that a lesson worth teaching?

It is difficult to do when you are overwhelmed and I fail miserably at it all the time, but it is worth the effort to not interact in anger and negativity but rather to interact and even discipline with love.

Imagine how those kids in the shoe would grow up if things were slightly different:

A wonderful woman lived in a shoe.

She had so many children, she knew exactly what to do.

She held them, she rocked them, and tucked them in bed.

"I love you, I love you," is what she said.

(taken from the book I love you Rituals by Becky A. Bailey, Ph.D.)

Check out Love and Logic for some great ideas for disciplining and interacting with students in a loving manner.

Be a Hero

So I am a Superman fan.  I have always felt a connection to this super hero.  I don't know if it has to do with how he always strives to do the right thing, how he values truth and justice, how the symbolism of a Christ figure is so prevalent, how he was created right here in Ohio, or just because I used to run around in his super hero underwear when I was young (not literally HIS underwear because that would be gross).  But there has been a connection none the less.

Because of this connection, I was fooling around on the internet looking at some superhero stuff and stumbled upon the We Can Be Heroes website.  Long story short; DC Entertainment is matching donations dollar for dollar for relief aid through Save The Children, Mercy Corps, and The International Rescue Committee, to help the people who live in the Horn of Africa who are suffering through a horrible hunger crisis.

This got the wheels turning about how I could get my students involved.

Very shortly we will be starting a poetry unit and part of that unit is going to be focused on the theme of Being a Hero.  I am going to find a community venue and hold a poetry reading in which the community can hear the poetry and offer donations for this cause.

The students will get authentic feedback, a chance to let their voices be heard, satisfaction of knowing they helped someone for no other reason than it was the right thing to do, and I get to bring my love for super heroes into the classroom.

All of this stuff we are going to do ain't on the test.   And that's ok.

How can you help?
You can donate on your own or wait until I post more information about our poetry reading.

                              (proceeds from this song on itunes go to this cause)

A Short Introduction

I have been very blessed to have wonderful people around me in both buildings which I have taught.  These people have been there to lean on in troubled times and have offered up so much wisdom on the teaching profession and about life in general.  They really have helped mold me into the person I am today.  One of those wonderful people gave me the idea for this blog's name.

We take a an entire grade for a week long, overnight, outdoor education experience each year.  I treasure this time with the staff and students.  Over the last few years, this teacher friend friend of mine has mentioned a letter she once wrote with a similar title to this blog.  Her letter spoke of all things we do at camp that will never be tested but are in the best interest of the students.  It blows us away each year the amount of middle school students who have not fished, hiked, shot a bow and arrow, studied a pond, looked at the stars, or even just rolled down a hill.  In this one week we are able to build wonderful relationships with the students and give them positive experiences that they will carry with them forever.

The argument against an experience like our camp is that testing and data seem to drive education right now.  Now don't get me wrong, the numbers are useful, but this blog is my re-dedication to NOT be defined by the results of these tests and data measurements.  No matter what the politicians think and no matter what the Plain Dealer reports, I am more than the numbers and so are my students.

I do believe we are like math problems; We are the sum of the parts of our lives.  All the good and bad parts of our lives will never leave us.  However, the major difference that separates us from the numbers, is that we get to decide on what parts of our lives we place the most value.

Thanks for joining me and my ramblings.